" Some people think it's okay to butt into people's lives and poke their noses into everything, i think those people need to mind their own business more. Rough waters run deep; just because you don't see things happening it doesn't mean they aren't, just because you see something happen it doesn't mean that's all there is to it. Only stupid people assume. "
This has been an issue that's been bugging me quite a while now, because for most part of my life I've been having people sticking their noses into every single thing that i do. Which in summary made me a robot because i had to listen, and no please don't go into the crap like " oh it's your life, what do you mean you can't do anything ... ...", just like how there are rules in school that you adhere to, my family has it's own way of running, and i had no say and no choice.
Finally when i thought i was free from all that crap , I meet one person after another who finds joy in passing on that baton of absurdity. I've tolerated for long enough but tonight's the last straw.
We all have our lives to live, and this is the way i choose to live mine, this is the way my mum and bro have chosen to live theirs as well. It may not be perfect , in fact it's far from perfect; our house is a mess our lives still haven't settled well even after all these years, and money isn't the easiest to come by. But at the end of the day, we still have each other and to me that's the most important part of having a family. It's not about perfection, it's living with imperfections and knowing at the end of the day you can still find happiness.
Sure, I'm a far cry from who i used to be but that doesn't mean I've gone bad. I've changed, but doesn't everyone? You can't possibly expect me to be stuck in my secondary school mindset, my secondary school goals, this is life. Nothing ever stays the same no matter how hard you try to stop change. Just because my definition of success doesn't fit snugly into society's conformed views of GET GOOD RESULTS, GO UNI , GRADUATE, GET A GOOD JOB, it doesn't mean I'm a failure. Such a goal has long stopped working for me, it has long stopped motivating me, if such is so, then what's the point of having a goal like this? Just to fit into society's mould?
" Oh but you're screwing up in school now, you're not doing your best, you're being stupid, it shows alot about you, it shows alot about your mum ... ..." yes yes yes i get it, i made a mistake, a long huge mistake with school but i'm facing up to my mistakes. I at the very least, have the courage to admit my mistakes and learn from them. Sure my results still aren't spectacular, but a A, B+, C, C is a huge improvement from my D, D, F, F last sem. And making an improvement is my goal now, and i've achieved it thus far and i'm gonna push myself that little bit more. In my own rights, I've succeeded.
Apart from academics I've changed in every other way as well, and i know it's hard to swallow, not something you'd get used to overnight, but i am still me. Everything else is exterior and some may beg to differ, but really, when you haven't even gotten to know me right to the core, how can you make a comparison of change to the me now? I for one, know I've only truely opened up to one person, my past, my thoughts, everything. So the rest of the world really has no say.
Of course i understand that all these stem from concerns and all, but it's just the wrong approach, wrong mindset, wrong time. I'm still searching for my identity, sad but true, and before i find that i'm comfortable i will just keep trying, keep living and keep true to myself. I appreciate the care but it's not going to help me grow at all.
There's a saying that goes
" Never Judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins"
Which i honestly feel alot of people out there need to learn. Do not judge, do not assume, an issue might seem trivial to you but it could mean the world to someone. We're all different, we all have different lives, we all experience different things and that's what makes us , us. I don't have a problem with people having their own opinions on issues, I've only got a problem with people trying to superimpose their way of living onto someone else just because they feel it's the right way.
I live my life, you live yours.
Alright angst aside, I just had to get it all out but obviously mid way i kinda lost my train of thoughts but oh well! at least i feel better now.
On a lighter note, I'VE GOTTEN MY UNIFORM which is ugly like bleurgh but I'll learn to live with it. AND I OFFICIALLY START WORK TOMORROW. Wish me luck, I'm gonna be at Powerhouse which is meant to be the crazy part of St James, i just hope i dont screw up or get punched during one of those frequent fights.
RIGHT PICTURES OF MY UNIFORM and my erhem, newly decorated room which is really a urm, what i'd like to call as artsy mess :>
Stripe shirt D: + Henessy apron!