Saturday, October 16, 2010


Just done with vetting and i have to admit im disappointed with how i did. It's so tiring chasing butterflies the way i do now. Back to square one and the only thing truely comforting me is the fact that ive finaly broken the cycle. Now it's rushing off to work , pushing like crazy again, barely 4 hours of sleep... And i'm running alone, on adrenaline. I will get there, most definitely. I just hope it's soon or im going to burn out.

I miss that very night so dearly.

And the sparrow on weed screeched


  1. arent we all always running alone on adrenaline.. i mean.. isnt that the point of life..? we are born alone and we die alone, cause we live a lonely life my friend.. at the end of each day, even with someone beside us, we sleep alone, we dont share dreams.. thats our purpose in life ultimately.. isnt it so..? think about it.. why care when its so much easier to just live in despair..? we arent no swan that mates for life, we move on and transgress all boundries that are set for us.. we live to destroy and why carry a burden..? then again, there are many counters to this.. and only if you belive in a blissful cacaphony of life which i believe to be a miserable experience, only then will you squander around trying to find the person, the place to call home, a life in which to belong.. otherwise, you are but running from one destination to another, from one goal to another, chasing ambitions and dreams.. and whenever someone crosses our paths, we stop and stare for a split moment, sometimes that moment lasts a long time and we begin to believe that this is where we are meant to stay put and that we have a purpose in life and all other purposes are fullfiled or redundant.. but that means we are giving up on our dreams and targets.. a true symbitic relation can only be achieved when we find someone that allows us to fulfil those purposes and dreams and ambitions and goals and any other name you would like to give to challenges we set in place in life.. and it is only when we find that person that we finally achieve.. so go ahead and be a sparrow stuck on weed, screaching from the same branch everyday hoping beyond all odds that that person will chance upon.. or spread your wings and fly and chance upon many people from which to choose that person.. personally, id take the second choice, but then again, its not about me, its about you.. and your destiny..

  2. well hello there, wow. who are you anyway?

    i remain cynical as i am but i am not pessimistic, i choose not to trust and believe too easily but that doesn't mean that one day i would not. As long as i'm still living , still breathing, this is life as it is. i'd either live it the way i want to, or live to regret on my deathbed.

    sparrow on weed is a special phrase to me, and i believe it's meaning is unknown to you just by the way you use it.

    And honestly , i'm not looking for the right one (: I don't need anyone but myself, if someone stays in my life it's because i want them to be in it. And i have already met one who has made me feel special enough, to love once, to have experienced all that, is more than enough for me.

    but thank you for your lengthy and insightful comment i appreciate the effort and thought put into it (:

  3. thanks.. how the comment ended up there.. its a long story involving some belgians, chivas regal, some italians, gorge clooney, a common friend, a series of unfortunate coincidences, sleep deprivation, self actualization, blurry wee hour drive with a broken radio, non-conformation to governmental rules and regulations and a few marlborough black menthol sticks.. might i add it also consisted of hormonal clashes and the epic battle of progesterone vs testosterone..

    ironically, i dont really remember half of what i even said and wrote that night, but i do remember the events leading up to it.. and it all starts off long back, almost a year ago when one day i met a guy who seemed as lost as one can be and i asked him for a smoke.. its either that, or i can simply say it started out with a night of drinking which ended on your blog.. but that would be boring and as plain as a white piece of trash paper and lacking in true colours and vividness of life.. and then again i love to tell stories and the further back i start, the more interesting it can and will be.. ;)

    on cynicism and pessimism, dont you think they go hand in hand.. i mean if you are a cynic, its only because you hold onto pessimistic thoughts and refuse to let go of them.. its as though you choose not to regret your past until your deathbed, but for fleeting moments in each day, you re-visit it and let it creep-up ever so slightly and ponder upon the bleak moments.. the magnitude of the past and its effects on the present cant be quantified nor can they be deciphered as though they hold a hidden co-relation in the form of codices.. it can only be concluded that the past exists and it holds a bearing in the present, but to what degree does it steer one can only be measurable by how deeply we have dug into it and how many lessons we have taken from this architectural endeavor of ours.. i believe that until we dont truly understand and appreciate the past we cant have an ascertainable direction in the future.. but we must not reminiscent in the mistakes nor must we wonder if things were different, cause that would mean relinquishing the desire to change the past, but we must instead accept it, and apply it such that in the future we dont repeat.. then again as i mysteriously managed to say in my drunken hormonal rambling the other day, its your decision.. =D

    as to who i am.. i swear i've been waiting for someone to one day ask me that question.. just so i can say.. im spiderman, your friendly neighborhood super-hero.. =D okay, on a serious note, you could say im just a passing traveler who is on a long journey, a road paved for myself by me.. a long arduous road if i may, but still a path in which i coincidentally passed by you.. but the whispers in the wind are saying that our paths might just cross again.. someday in the not so distant future.. and when and if they do, you may just come to explain the one line which you said is a mystery to me..

    till then, au revoir mon ami et d'adieu..

    justifié est mon nom, pour le moment vous pouvez m'appeler si.