Thursday, November 11, 2010

fucking myself.

I don't know if i've said this before, but i have this amazing ability to mindfuck myself.
And i'm also extremely extremely apt at it, really spiffy, it's convenient to have such a talent really.
All the hours i spend standing on the line, going nuts whilst trying decide which way to go exactly, which side is right. Then there are the people i hurt, because they can't comprehend me. Then again, with such a capability i fail to understand myself as well, so what the fuck do i do?


I can only wait for the moment to pass, nothing i think of calms me at all.
And then when it passes, all that goes through my mind is ,
what the fuck just happened? what the fuck is wrong with me? WHAT THE FUCK.


Months back , i actually thought i had bipolar disorder. There were days when i'd be all fine and cheerful and suddenly without warning, it can be any small incident or trivial thing said, and it would just snowball. I'll be lying on my bed, unable to function, crying, distraught and honestly, I didn't know what exactly caused it as well. Those were bad times, and i couldnt control them.


I don't want to go back to then again.
LET GO OF THE FUCKING PAST, AUDREY.


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